Transition:
It has been an endeavor, to say the least, of what has happened since the past 2 months. Many a times, I feel as though this line of work is definitely not suited for me. I believe also that this feeling has cropped inside the minds of many of my peers indeed.
From a medical student to a doctor, the thin line that crosses between the two stages of life is an intricate one , I must say. Full of torment and misery. Yet, this is not true to some extent though, such as in the case of yours truly. Even if I might say that I am suffering, but in truth, some of my other friends have it worse, much worse.
Currently I’m posted in paediatrics, whereby, they say it’s one of the most relaxing posting of them all. However, for a person such as myself, who has trouble in terms of adjusting myself in a new situation, even in the least stressful of event, it can seem worse.
I had prayed to be placed in a hospital in which I would be happy to be working in it and also close to somewhere that would enable me to still be a part of the tarbawi community. Alhamdulillah Allah had granted me to be in Hospital ---. insyaAllah so far it has been welcoming, to say the least. I am still able to follow the weekly kuliah over there, albeit not full, but still possible. If I’m not oncall, I can still join the weekly halaqah..that also includes if I’m not postcall..
Let me just put it in chronological order, so that we might be able to see the flow.
During the 1st week, which is the week of tagging..of course, it felt horrible. To see the new setting and to have the actual realization that I am to be working in a white coat society and surrounded by neverending admissions is quite distressing indeed.
In truth, I still felt like I was a medical student..but of a lesser quality. To be called a doctor, was far from the truth, it felt like. Useless, is the term that much qualified to be associated with.
It’s as if I’m bounded make endless mistakes. From the very simple tasks to the more complicated ones. Followed by that mistakes is of course, the never ending scrutiny by the ABOVE ones..the SPECIALISTS..
What I’ve gathered so far is that I’m not one is well versed in clerkwork and regarding the medicolegal stuff. I like medicine, as in the essence of medicine itself. However, in real life, there is no such thing as medicine as a study by itself. Medicine, is part and parcel of human life. Undoubtedly, it was first being studied since it was important as to know how to treat the sickness that overpowers us.
The things that they do not teach us in medical school are indeed vast. It is in fact, a very different setting from the learning scenario that we are accustomed to. I think more importantly is that they ought to train the medical students as how they would in the end become a good houseman.
Pardon me, I think I have brought myself outside the topic. I plan to just equip you all with the knowledge of how the setting is so far.
The first month was also distressing. Imagine yourself, being on the job for the first time. In a different setting from what you have been used to all your life. To be working with people, much much older than you. Yet, at the same time, in rank, you are above them. Hence, you are the one held responsible. It is a sad state indeed. To not know anything, yet be in charge of it.
However, in truth, so far the staff have been very cooperative. Just a certain few who does pose some problem. But, it is a minor one indeed. It’s just an overwhelming situation for someone like me, I suppose.
Lo and behold..it’s already been 2 months since I first stepped into NICU.. and again..surprise surprise..still doing many mistakes as always.. I really don’t know what is wrong with me..I don’t know how to become more efficient. It’s like I’m certained to become a klutz until the end.
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